Tears of the Sun, Love of the Moon
by Tookster
Summary: What if Glorfindel is not happy to be reborn? Glorfindel is returned to Arda and lives in Imladris, but all is not going as well as it seemed.
1. Chapter 1

Glorfindel finished his letter and signed his name, careful not to smear the wet ink. He blew on it gently to help the ink dry before folding it in half. He addressed it to Lord Elrond or Lord Erestor. It mattered not to him which one of them read it. All that matter was that they did not read it before the proper time. After sealing it with wax, Glorfindel stood before his mirror and braided his hair in the usual style. He walked over to his weapons chest and took out his favorite dagger. It had been given to him by Lord Elrond, he remembered, the day Glorfindel had been appointed Seneschal, Head of the Guards. The dagger was a beautiful creation and had served him well in the past. It would do so again today. He removed the small gold and blue ring from his finger and set it down on top of the letter with a small sigh. Taking one last look around the room, making sure everything was in order, he left silently.

The servant girl knocked politely on Lord Glorfindel's door. There was no response. She knocked again, impatient to deliver the note to the lord and get back to the kitchens. There was still no response. Lord Elrond had told her that if no one answered to leave the note on Lord Glorfindel's dressing table. She opened the door warily nonetheless, just in case the lord was in his chambers and had simply chosen not to answer. He wasn't. His rooms were perfectly clean and completely empty of people. She walked over to the dressing table and sent the note down. She was on her way out when a small patch of white on the desk caught her attention. Walking over, she saw it was a letter, addressed to either Lord Erestor or Lord Elrond. On top of the letter was a ring, clearly intended to be sent with the letter. She picked both up and put them in her pocket. She would deliver it on her way back to the kitchens.

Elrond looked around the room and noticed that Glorfindel had still not arrived. Where was he? Granted, his seneschal might not be the most punctual of Elves, but he was never this late. Elrond racked his brain trying to think of any reason why the Seneschal would be so very late. Instantly, the Elven lord thought of the note he had sent Glorfindel that very morning. He had finally worked up enough courage to write a note to Glorfindel, expressing his feelings about the golden haired beauty. And this was what happened. Elrond's heart sank. Maybe Glorfindel was not interested in him at all and was too uncomfortable to come to the meeting. But he had never seemed to be that sort of person. Glorfindel had always met things head on. No, the note could then not possibly be the reason. Perhaps something was amiss in the barracks? Or perhaps.... Elrond glanced worriedly at Erestor. Erestor met his gaze and Elrond could see his own worry reflected in Erestor's eyes.

"Perhaps he just slept late. He does have a habit of doing that. This _is_ an early meeting. Do you want me to go awaken him? "

"Yes, please. I don't think he will be sleeping but do look for him. He has never been this late for anything before." Erestor nodded and left. If anyone could find Glorfindel in this house, it was him.

Erestor walked briskly through the halls of Imladris, bent on arriving at his destination as quickly as possible. Leave it to Glorfindel to hold up the meeting. If he found him still in bed, that elf was going to get a nice lecture on punctuality and needlessly worrying others, just after he got a pitcher of cold water on his head. He arrived at Glorfindel's chambers and - not even bothering to knock - burst in. The rooms were empty and eerily clean. He had been in Glorfindel's rooms before and they had always been everything but clean. Well, the next place to check was the kitchens. If Glorfindel had risen late, that was where he would be. He had just started down the hall when a servant called out his name.

"Sir, I have a letter for you. I found it Lord Glorfindel's chambers early this morning." Erestor thanked her and sent her on her way, slightly curious as to why she had been in Glorfindel's chambers to begin with. Glorfindel's neat script adorned the front of the letter and Erestor turned his attention to the ring that the girl had given him. He had recognized it immediately. It was the ring Glorfindel always wore. In fact, it had been the only thing Glorfindel had been wearing when he had been found reborn. When Lord Elrond had asked him about it, for surely to be reborn with it, it must have some great significance. The golden haired elf had just shrugged his shoulders and said he had found it on a street one day and how curious it was that he still had it. If Elrond had sensed that there was more to the story, he did not pry. But Glorfindel had never taken it off. Erestor opened the note, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Glorfindel moved through the forest, finally somewhat at peace. Soon his task would be over and he would be released from this pain. He was willing to risk whatever penalty the Valar would enact on him, just to finish it. He knew the twins would miss him for awhile, he always had time to listen, but they would soon get over it and move on with their lives. They were young and would soon forget. Lord Elrond and Erestor would most likely miss his skills and knowledge, but they too would soon adapt and forget all about him. There were others just as capable as he. When the Valar had sent him back, they must have not considered the difficulties he would have. In truth, life was not so difficult, it was the living that was painful. He had been happy in Gondolin, surrounding by friends and family. He had found a lover and they were dedicated to each other. The two of them had been planning to be bonded. Then Gondolin had been attacked. Glorfindel had defended the city bravely, but fell defeating a Balrog. He had lost everything. Then the Valar had sent him back, why he did not know. He now had no chance of reuniting with his lover. He had nothing in this life. Everything he knew, everything he was familiar with was gone. Even the language had changed. The only thing he had from his previous life was a ring, blue and gold, that he had found on the street just before he had met his love for the first time. Oh but the Valar were cruel! The guards of Imladris had found him and the Elves there had taken him in. He had entered Lord Elrond's service, but not his household. He was the outsider, the legend, and everyone was either too awed or too scared to befriend him. Lord Elrond and Erestor were nice in their own way but were busy with their own lives. But now that was all behind him. The pain had gotten too much for him to bear but soon it would be over. So very soon.

Elrond was becoming increasingly uneasy. He did not know what it was, but a sense of trepidation and urgency was rising up in him and he was unable to stop it. A slight breeze blew in through the open window, ruffling his hair. His tension grew. As he watched the other Elves chat quietly with each other, waiting for Erestor's return, his trepidation grew stronger. and the breeze turned into a strong wind, scattering the Elves' papers everywhere. While they leapt up to catch them, Lord Elrond went to the window. The wind was trying to tell him something, he understood that now. Something was very wrong in the forest. It wasn't a danger to Imladris, he knew immediately. Suddenly, the fear that begun to well up inside him turned to panic, and Elrond was out the door, running down the stairs, into the courtyard and out into the forest. He shed his formal robes as he ran, for they would only slow him down.

Erestor was in a state of shock. That Glorfindel would actually go so far as to..... He had to tell Elrond. Erestor stood and raced back to the council room, only to find Elrond missing and all the other Elves running around the room, trying to catch errant papers blown about by the wind. Not to be defeated, Erestor searched all over Imladris for the lord, but no one had seen him since this morning. Erestor slapped the wall in frustration. With both Glorfindel and Elrond gone, Erestor could not leave Imladris to hunt for Glorfindel. He could only hope the Elrond would return from wherever he had gone before it was too late. Standing in the courtyard, he looked out over the small field before the forest when something lying in the field caught his eye. It was Elrond's robes. Erestor looked closer and could see the path Elrond had left through the grass. He must have been in a great hurry to leave so obvious a trail. Erestor hoped that whatever had drawn him into the forest at such a speed was Glorfindel and not trouble for Imladris.

Elrond entered the forest at breakneck speed and almost immediately had to stop. The clamor of the trees and the wind was so loud it hurt him. He gently laid a hand on the tree next to him and managed to get its attention. He asked it to ask the others to be quiet. He could not understand any of them if all of them were talking, he explained. It took awhile, but eventually all the trees were silent. Elrond thanked them, then asked the trees to please show him the way to the trouble. Instantly, the trees to his right started talking again. _This way, come this way. Hurry, hurry, _they said and Elrond was once again filled with a sense of urgency. He began running, trusting the trees to guide him.

Glorfindel knelt in the middle of the clearing, drew out his dagger and laid it beside him. He carefully rolled up his sleeves past his elbows, he didn't want to ruin the fabric, though why he cared he didn't know. He picked up his dagger and, placing it firmly against his wrist, drew it down his arm, down to his elbow. Blood welled up from the deep wound. He did the same to his other arm. He waited and soon received his reward. None too quickly, the world began to dim.

The trees, the wind, and the ground around him screamed. Their connection to the Elves was strong. Elrond staggered back and fell onto his knees, cradling his head. Then it stopped and a sense of panic filled him to the core. He stood and ran faster than he thought possible, wondering and fearing what he would find at the end of the trees' road. _Almost there! Hurry, hurry!_ He neared a small clearing and by the tone of the trees all around, he knew that was where he would find the source of the fear.

The twins were playing quietly together, giggling softly every now and then. Their nurse smiled. They were growing up so fast. Then, the twins stopped playing and went very still before both of them burst out in tears. The nurse was horrified.

"What's wrong? What's the matter, Elladan, Elrohir?" The twins gave her no answer, only sobbing louder. She knelt down beside them and drew them into her arms. Whatever it was that was bothering them, she could not see it. She tried to comfort them, but they would not have it, soaking her shirt with their tears.

Elrond entered the clearing and gasped. On the ground in the middle, there lay a fair-haired elf. Elrond feared whoever it was was dead, but then saw a slow rise of their chest. He shook himself and ran over to the elf, turning them over. He froze. It was Glorfindel, his face white and his eyes closed. Then Elrond noticed a wet warmth on his fingers and looked down. His hands were covered in blood. He quickly found the source. Glorfindel's arms were slit, from the wrist almost to the elbow. For a moment, the implications of the deep wounds froze Elrond in his tracks then his healer's training took over. Ripping long strips from his tunic, he bound the now sluggishly bleeding wounds tightly. It took many strips to stop the bleeding and Elrond prayed it was not too late. Placing a hand on Glorfindel's chest, Elrond sent as much of his energy and healing power into Glorfindel as he dared. He had to get Glorfindel back to the house, but how? Elrond was not a big Elf and Glorfindel was quite larger than he. He thought a moment, then used what was left of his tunic and his shirt to make a sling. After carefully rolling Glorfindel onto it, he slipped it over his back so Glorfindel crossed his chest at arm level. Gathering Glorfindel into his arms with a prayer to Elbereth, Elrond began to run.


	2. Chapter 2

Erestor paced back and forth, nervousness written over his features. He had sent for a healer to wait with him and she stood just off to the side, watching.

"My lord?" Erestor stopped pacing and stared at her.

"What?" She did not answer, only pointed. Erestor turned and saw a small figure come out of the forest, carrying a large, unwieldily bundle. It was Elrond, Erestor realized and he was carrying a body. Heedless of his dress robes, Erestor dashed across the field to Elrond, the dew soaking his robes and making them cling to his legs. He could see that Elrond was exhausted from carrying the heavy load.

"What happened? Who is that?" Erestor peeled a bit of the makeshift sling and grew a sharp intake of breath. "How did you-? Never mind, let me take him and run ahead to the healer's. They are waiting and you are tired. The healers can do what needs to be done." Elrond had not the strength to protest. Erestor had Glorfindel into his arms and was about to set off when Elrond stopped him.

"Wait." Erestor watched as the already drained Elrond placed a hand on Glorfindel and flooded him with healing energy until both Elrond's hand and the area around it glowed silver. "Now you may take him." Erestor took off and Elrond watched as he raced across the field and into the house. In spite of what Erestor had said, Elrond knew only he had the knowledge to heal Glorfindel and so with another prayer to the Valar, Elrond set off jogging across the field.

By the time Elrond had made his way up to the healing rooms, the other healers had already stripped and bathed Glorfindel and were in the process of gently removing Elrond's makeshift bandages from the wounds on his arm. One of the healers quietly informed him that Glorfindel was cold to the touch and seemed to have a fever, but this Elrond already knew. He sat and tried to build up his energy again. Erestor came and stood behind his chair; Elrond could feel his anxiety. As he watched the healers work, he knew that it would not be enough. He waited until they were finished, then shooed them all out. Moving to sit next to Glorfindel's head, he placed one hand on Glorfindel's forehead and the other on his chest. He closed his eyes and reached deep into himself. He was already drained almost to the breaking point, but Glorfindel would never even awaken if he did not do something. He knew that with certainty. Elrond grabbed hold of what little healing power he had left and also took hold of his inner fire and poured both into Glorfindel. He barely registered Erestor's sound of protest as he watched Elrond's life force flowing into Glorfindel. Elrond watched Glorfindel's body begin to glow with a silver fire and when it was entirely covered, he stopped. He had given much and slumped over in his chair, eyes closed in exhausted sleep.

Erestor tried not to gasp as he watched the already drained Elven lord begin to pour energy into Glorfindel. There was nothing he could do as he watched Elrond's life force slowly drain away. But Elrond stopped before going too far and he slumped over with his eyes closed, asleep. Erestor smiled sadly as he moved to lay Elrond in the cot beside Glorfindel. He knew if he took Elrond back to his own chambers, he would be in trouble when Elrond awoke. He laid the lord down gently and covered him up in a warm blanket. After giving away so much energy, the half-elven Elrond was bound to get chilly. As Erestor looked down on Elrond's closed eyes, he shuddered. No matter how many times he saw an exhausted Elrond sleep with his eyes closed, it still gave him a fright. For an Elf, closed eyes only meant unpleasant things, such as fading and death. He gazed over at Glorfindel, whose eyes were also closed and was remind just how close they had come and how very close they still were to losing the Seneschal. Erestor sat down with a book, determined to keep watch on the two Elven lords until they awoke.

Elrond returned to consciousness slowly, feeling slightly confused and off-balance. He opened his eyes and blinked slowly.

"Elrond? Can you hear me?" Elrond nodded his head and sat up, the voice sounding familiar. It was his advisor's voice. He looked around and soon everything came back to him. He tried to stand, but his legs were tangled up in a blanket.

"Erestor, help me please." Erestor came next to him, but shook his head.

"Not yet. I want you to eat something first." Before Elrond had a chance to protest, Erestor held up a hand. "Glorfindel is the same as before, you can see that for yourself. His colour has improved slightly though. But you have been sleeping for several days and will do no one any good until you replenish yourself." Elrond sighed. Erestor was right, as usual. He quickly ate the food Erestor handed him, not really tasting any of it. After he was finished, Erestor helped him untangle himself. "Elrond, you know that I care for Glorfindel very much, but Imladris cannot do with a leader any longer. Everything has been stopped these past days and now there are things that cannot wait any longer. I need to return to my work and yours. You will let me know if anything changes?" Elrond stood and placed a hand on Erestor's shoulder.

"Of course, mellon nin. And I thank you." Erestor simply nodded and was gone. The first thing Elrond did was check on the pale Elf lying next to him. Erestor had been right. His colour had improved. Knowing it was not a very smart thing to do after so thoroughly draining himself and also knowing it was the only thing he could do, Elrond flooded Glorfindel with his newly regained healing power.

He was occupying his time by mixing some healing tea when he heard a quiet moan. Turning, he saw Glorfindel's eyelids fluttering. He quickly moved to the chair beside him, tea in hand. Glorfindel's eyes opened and his eyes darted all around, not seeing Elrond. Elrond watched as the realization of where he was set in. The blonde let out the most heart wrenching, pain filled moan Elrond had ever heard.

"Glorfindel, do you hear my voice?" Glorfindel turned his eyes towards Elrond and the Elven lord shivered at the depth of the despair and anguish he saw there.

"Why?" Glorfindel whispered, his voice hoarse and broken from disuse and pain. "Why did you not let me die?"

"I couldn't let you die. I may be a ruler, but I am a healer at heart." Glorfindel looked away.

"Healer or not, you had no right overriding my rather obvious wishes."

"Glorfindel, did you even think everything through before you made that choice?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"I might have if you had given me the chance!" Elrond took a deep breath. Getting angry with Glorfindel was not going to help matters. "That is beside the point. What you did was very selfish. Did you not even stop to think about the pain your actions would cause others? The nurse told me the twins cried for hours, Glorfindel. They are more attuned to nature than most. They felt your pain. And what about Lord Erestor and myself? Did you think we would not miss you?" Glorfindel turned away once more, but not before Elrond saw the tears on his face. "Glorfindel, we want to help you." Glorfindel shook his head.

"You don't understand. You can't."

"Why can't I understand? Do you think I am a stranger to pain?" Silence. "Answer me, Seneschal." But he did not. Elrond slammed the cup of tea down on the table and Glorfindel flinched in surprise and turned his face back towards the lord. "You will drink all of this tea. Now." At first he refused. Why should he drink tea when he wanted to die? But the look Elrond gave him soon overrode his reasoning. If he ever wanted to be left alone, he would have to drink that tea. As soon as he saw Glorfindel was drinking, Elrond sent a servant to inform Erestor of the change in Glorfindel's condition and to get a little food from the kitchen. "Now, when the food gets here, you will eat it all. I will not accept even a single crumb left on the plate. Do you understand?"

"Why should I eat? There is no point to it. I just want to pass on. I have already made my choice. Why can't you let me escape?" Elrond softened for a moment.

"Contrary to what you believe, I do understand. But I also understand that killing yourself is not the answer. You've only just returned to life. Give it a second chance and you'll soon see what I mean."

"You can't possibly understand what I am going through! You've never had everything you ever known ripped away in one moment. You've never had to come back to the world you thought you'd left forever and be reminded of what you lost with every breath you take and with every word that is said to you! How can you, Elrond Peredhil," he said with a snarl, "who still has family, friends, a safe home, everything! ever understand?" Elrond spun around away from his patient. His remarks were beginning to anger the Elven lord. Sub-consciously, he knew he shouldn't get angry, Glorfindel was obviously distressed, but he couldn't help it. He was tired and thinking irrationally. Glorfindel had no idea what Elrond had been through in his lifetime. In fact, Glorfindel had been in Mandos' halls for most of it! Just then, a servant arrived with Glorfindel's food. Elrond took the tray and set it down loudly on the table next to Glorfindel's bed.

"As I said before, you will eat all of this food. If you don't, I will personally force it down your throat." With that, Elrond stormed into the adjoining room, but left the door open. He would hear if Glorfindel tried anything. Glorfindel looked at the food with distaste, but did not doubt Elrond's word. He was almost finished eating when Erestor came in.

"Glorfindel, you are looking much better." Noticing the absence of anyone else in the room, Erestor was puzzled. "Where is Lord Elrond?" Glorfindel nodded towards the other room. His strength was beginning to fade and he was feeling very sleepy. Erestor disappeared but was back in a few moments, accompanied by Elrond, who then quickly left the healing rooms. Glorfindel wondered who would watch over him until he saw Erestor settling down next to him with a book. He saw Erestor lay something small and white on the table, but he was already too tired to care and soon fell asleep.

Erestor walked into the room indicated by Glorfindel's nod and was shocked to see Elrond sitting on the floor in tears. To see his strong leader reduced to this was more than a little unsettling.

"Elrond?" he questioned softly, settling down beside the stricken half-Elf. At the sound of his name, Elrond gave only a soft sob. Erestor gathered him into his arms. He had only seen Elrond cry once before and that was on the first anniversary of Gil-galad's death. It came to him then what today happened to be and a large piece of the puzzle clicked into place. He rubbed Elrond's back gently until Elrond seemed to quiet down. It was only then that he asked what was wrong.

"He-he hates me." Elrond said quietly, looking very vulnerable. Erestor knew he needed to tread softly here. The exhausted Elf was extremely open at the moment.

"Who hates you?"

"Glorfindel. He won't even try, won't even listen. He just keeps saying he wants to die. I know I am being childish but-"

"Glorfindel doesn't hate you, Elrond. He is just very sad and needs to be shown the good in life that he is missing. But right now what he needs most is rest, love and patience to show him that there is something worth living for. And what you need most is a nice warm bath, clean clothes and rest. You are more than exhausted and you are letting his words affect you too much. Go, I will watch him." Elrond looked at him hesitatingly, tears still glistening on his cheek. Erestor knew that Elrond had not told him all the reasons for his tears, but he chose not to quest further. Erestor stood and helped Elrond to his feet. "Go on. There's nothing you can do for him right now that I can't." Elrond followed him back out and left while Erestor settled next to an exhausted Glorfindel. He didn't know if Glorfindel saw him slip a small white note written in flowing script onto the table, but Glorfindel would see it when he awoke.


	3. Chapter 3

Glorfindel blinked his eyes to clear them and saw that Erestor was still sitting next to him and was still reading the same book. After a moment or so, Erestor realized he was awake.

"Glorfindel, I am glad you are awake. I was ashamed to find that you won't even hear Elrond out. I want to tell you something, a little bit of a story if you like. I want you to know that he does know quite a bit about how you are feeling." Glorfindel shook his head.

"There is no-" Erestor cut him off.

"You may not want to listen but you will. You may not realize now what you reduced Elrond to today but I truly hope someday you find out. Now be silent and listen. Some of this you may know but you have obviously forgotten. Since the day of his birth, it seems that Elrond has been destined to lose everyone he loves. He and his brother Elros lost their parents at a young age, in that ridiculous fight over the Simarils. Maedhros and Maglor, you should remember them. He and Elros were very close but when the time came for the Peredhil twins to make their choice, he lost his brother to mortality. While the choice did not come as a surprise to Elrond, it was still hard to come to terms with. Elros married and had children. Elrond visited as often as he could but he was a member of Gil-galad's house now and had duties as his lord's Herald." At the puzzled look on Glorfindel's face, who had become interested in spite of himself, Erestor paused to explain. "Gil-galad became High King of the Noldorin after King Turgon's death. Shortly after Elrond's majority, he became part of Gil-galad's household."

"Gil-galad and Elrond became great friends and were hardly seen apart. There were rumors of them being more than friends, but there was never any no solid facts. The years had passed faster than Elrond realized however, and Elros had become quite old. He had lived longer than most humans, but he had become ill and knew his time had come. He sent for Elrond and Gil-galad himself took Elrond to be with his brother. When Elros died, it broke Elrond's heart. A twin bond is a powerful thing and not severed without much pain. Elrond became very much like a wraith after Elros' death. He would not eat, drink, or sleep. Gil-galad stayed right by him and slowly brought him back. Gil-galad did love Elrond, very much, and used that love to show him that there was still something to live for. It took many years, but Gil-galad returned Elrond to his old joyful self. But if you looked in Elrond's eyes, you could still see that sadness there. Elrond and Gil-galad became lovers soon after and were very happy together. Anyone who looked at then could tell they were meant to be together. A bonding ceremony began to be planned, but it would be a long time before the actual event could take place. This was the High King who was getting married after all. But Elrond and Gil-galad didn't care. They were happy just to be together. But it wasn't to be. Sauron and his minions were on the move, taking over Middle Earth piece by piece. An alliance was made between the races of Men and Elves and they marched to attack Sauron at Mount Doom. Elrond fought valiantly by Gil-galad's side, but a large contingent of Orcs separated them. By the time Elrond was free from them, it was too late. Gil-galad was in the battle with Sauron and was losing. He fell that day as Elrond tried to fight his way back to his side." Erestor paused here, sad but thoughtful.

"By rights, Elrond should have died that day, for those who love each other with the magnitude that those two did do not long survive each other. But the Valar would not allow it. With Gil-galad dead, the Elves were leaderless. Elrond tried to be a good leader, but his heart was too broken. After some of his men found him in his rooms with a large bottle of wine and his best hunting knife, he was put under constant guard." Erestor gave Glorfindel a sad smile when he saw the surprised expression on his face.

"Yes, Elrond was going to kill himself. He felt he could not live any longer, after losing so much. His guards stopped him just in time. After this happened, the Valar must have realized something needed to be done. I don't know how they did it, but somehow they separated Elrond from his pain. They made it so his pain was manageable, but not overwhelming. Something they should have done as soon as they decided Elrond had to live, in my opinion. In this way, Elrond ruled the Elves and worked through his grief at the same time. Many years passed and the gift from the Valar wore away. Elrond had since come to terms with his grief but Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel were still concerned that Elrond might want to leave Middle Earth. They contrived a plan to marry Elrond to their daughter, Celebrian. They thought perhaps children of his own would be enough incentive for Elrond to stay. They needn't have worried, Elrond was no longer in danger. I don't know how they did it, but somehow they got Elrond to agree. While he didn't love Celebrian, he was very fond of her. Soon after the wedding, Celebrian was expecting and after the usual time, gave birth to two healthy twin boys, Elladan and Elrohir. Elrond was ecstatic. I don't think I had seen him that happy since Lindon. He took the twins to his chambers that night to allow Celebrian, who had been exhausted by the birth, the chance for a full night's rest. In the morning, he took the boys to see their mother. She was not in her chambers. Elrond asked the servants if they had seen her, but none of them had. He had all of Imladris searched and in the stables it was discovered that Lady Celebrian's horse and gear were missing along with that of one of her guards. She had run off in the night with her lover. Elrond was devastated. She had abandoned her children, her newborn children, without any apparent thought for them or their needs. The twins would now have to be raised without a mother, for Elrond knew Celebrian would never again step foot into Imladris." Erestor looked at Glorfindel, reproof evident in his eyes.

"And that is why you should listen to Elrond. He may have not been thought exactly what you have, but he has had his share of troubles that I dare say equal if not exceed your own." Erestor stood and stretched. "Now I am going to order you some food and you will eat it all, otherwise Elrond will have my head." When the food came, Glorfindel did as he was told, his mind too occupied to do otherwise. After he was finished, he was so exhausted he forgot all about that small piece of white paper he had seen Erestor put on his table. It would have to wait until he woke up.


	4. Chapter 4

Elrond rushed from the healing rooms, not caring who might see him. He only wanted to make it to his rooms before the tears began to fall again. This seemed hopeless however, for at every turn, Elrond was bombarded by memories. He tried to ignore them, but to no avail. When he finally reached his door, he ran in and slammed it behind him. He leaned up against the door, needing the support as his legs were trembling. Another memory pushed its way to the front of his mind, brought there by Glorfindel's words and this time, Elrond did nothing to stop it.

_The last of Gil-galad's royal advisors finally left and Elrond leaned back in his chair with a loud sigh. Gil-galad turned to him with a twinkle in his eye._

"_Elrond, so easily bored with politics. You thought that was bad, you have no idea what I have been though." Elrond laughed with his King, admitting to the truth of Gil-galad's words._

"_Truly, I have no patience with the advisors and diplomats. They always seem to go on forever, talking with no purpose and waste valuable time." Gil-galad chuckled, thinking of a particularly long-winded advisor of his who had coincidently spoken that day._

"_Well, speaking of lost time, there is little left in the day and much for you and I to do with it." They both stood and gathered their papers to head back to their respective duties. "A moment, Elrond. Would you join me for dinner tonight? I was thinking something a little more private than at the dining hall, where I shall be accosted by who knows which Elves." Elrond grinned._

"_Why, I would be glad to join you and give you an excuse for not being available for your subjects." Gil-galad started to protest, but Elrond stopped him. " Your chambers and at the regular dinner hour I assume?" Gil-galad nodded and Elrond swept from the room, leaving his King and good friend with no excuse for further neglecting his work._

Elrond stumbled to his bed, tears streaming down his face once more. It had been that night, that dinner with Gil-galad, once of many such dinners they had had together, that Elrond had realized his feelings for the King ran deeper than any loyalty or friendship. That night, Elrond has discovered he was in love with Gil-galad. Curling up into a small ball, Elrond soon fell into an exhausted sleep, the tears still on his face.

It was much later, a day or so, when Elrond came back to the healing rooms. Erestor was still there, dozing next to a sleeping Glorfindel. Glorfindel's eyes were still closed, but much more of his colour had come back. Elrond placed a gentle hand on Glorfindel's forehead and flooded him with healing energy, hoping to stall the inevitable. He quickly changed Glorfindel's bandages and noticed that the wounds were healing nicely. If only Glorfindel's heart would heal as well. Erestor stirred and awoke. He cast a concerned glance at Elrond, who shrugged it away.

"I am fine. I will watch over him now." Erestor nodded and without a word, returned to filling Elrond's place as Lord of Imladris. Elrond went about, tidying up the healing rooms, fixing more potions and salves when he felt Glorfindel's eyes on him. He did not pay the blond any attention however, remaining occupied in his tasks. At least until he heard tiny shuffling feet just outside the door.

Glorfindel awoke to the sounds of someone moving about the room. He opened his eyes and discovered it was Elrond. He watched the Elven lord as he prepared salves, wondering what they were then wondering at his own curiosity. Just then, he heard a noise just outside the door and saw two tiny brown haired heads peek around the corner.

"Elladan, Elrohir, what are you doing here? And where is your nurse?" The twins shuffled into the room, hands behind their backs.

"We wanted to see Uncle Glor. Nurse said he was sick."

"Yes, Glorfindel is sick and needs his peace and quiet."

"Ada, pwease! We just want to see him!" Elladan cried, looking up at his father. Elrond moved to shoo the twins away, but when four impossibly big eyes looked up at him, he found he could not deny them their request. He turned to looked at Glorfindel, who was watching this with more interest in his eyes than Elrond has seen for a long time, even before his attempted suicide.

"All right. Just don't tire Uncle Glorfindel out." The twins shrieked in delight and ran over to Glorfindel. Elladan clambered up on the chair that had most recently been occupied by Erestor and handed Glorfindel a large blue card.

"Here, 'Ro and I made this for you." Glorfindel felt little elbows on his stomach and sure enough, there was Elrohir, little elbows propping his head up so he could see.

"Nurse said you wouldn't like it, cause you was too sick." Elrohir explained.

"Do you like it?" Glorfindel looked at the card in his hands. On the front was a picture of three Elves or at least that is what he thought it was. One Elf was taller than the other two and in the middle. It had yellow hair. The other two, smaller and holding on to what Glorfindel guessed were hands, hand brown hair. Inside the card read, in what was obviously an Elfling's writing, 'get Well soon Unkle Glor. WE miss you and don't like you sik Love love love and hug 'Dan and 'Ro' Glorfindel looked down at the two expectant Elfling faces with tears in his eyes and something close to a smile came on his face.

"I love it. Thank you." The twins clapped their hands. Elrohir climbed up next to his brother and they soon began asking all manner of questions about Glorfindel's bandages and his illness. Elrond let them, surprised at Glorfindel's responsiveness to them. Only when Elrond began to notice telltale signs of tiring in Glorfindel's actions did he stop them.

"Elladan, Elrohir, I think it is time for your nap." He held up his hands to forestall any whining. 'Now, if you go down quietly like good little Elflings, I will let you come see Uncle Glorfindel again, if he is up to it." The twins nodded and quicker than a flash were gone. There was a moment of silence before Glorfindel spoke.

"When did I become Uncle Glor?" Glorfindel's question surprised Elrond.

"Why, since only a few weeks after you first arrived here. The first time you played with them and really pay them attention, you became Uncle Glor. Only one other person do they call Uncle and that is Erestor, or 'Restor as they call him." Elrond said with a smile. Elrond looked at Glorfindel, pleased and surprised beyond words at the sparkle of emotion he saw in his eyes. "How do you feel?" Glorfindel looked up at him.

"Tired. Thirsty." Elrond quickly got him a cup of tea.

"Will you be all right if I continue with my work here?" At Glorfindel's nod, he went back to work.

When Elrond went back to his salve making, Glorfindel looked around, not yet ready to sleep, still finishing the bitter tea Elrond had given him. No doubt it had some healing properties in it, but for some reason that no longer bother Glorfindel quite so much. A small patch of white caught his eye. The note that Erestor had left on his table. Glorfindel picked it up. He recognized the next, spiraling script. It was Elrond's. Curious, he began reading.

Elrond looked back at Glorfindel and found him reading a white note, his eyes scanning slowly over the paper. Elrond had no idea what it was but didn't really care, happy that Glorfindel had become intrigued with something. When Glorfindel tucked the note under his pillow then fell asleep, he was not surprised and went back to work.

Glorfindel couldn't really believe what he was reading and read through it one more time, slowly. It was a note from Elrond to himself, proclaiming the half-Elf's feelings for him, which were beyond that of a lord's to his seneschal. What Glorfindel didn't understand was why Elrond had waited until now to tell him, after his suicide attempt. Then a thought came to Glorfindel, maybe Elrond had just written this to give him a reason to live, a false hope. He couldn't believe that Elrond would stoop so low. When he got to the bottom, he noticed something he hadn't before. It was a small post script, written by Erestor.

_Dear Glorfindel,_

_I know what you must be thinking as you read this. I must tell you that you are gravely mistaken. Long have I watched Elrond watch you, his love for you in his eyes. But you were too blinded by your own grief to notice. It took him many weeks to work up the courage to even think about writing this note and even more to actually pen it. He sent it to you the morning of your trip out into the woods. You must have left too early for the servants to give it to you. I found it in your room, unopened. Do not treat this note lightly and know that if you choose death, it will hurt a great many people but one in particular more than others._

Glorfindel slipped the note under his pillow and lay down, his mind whirling, his feelings confused. Just a few days ago, he had been so ready to die, kept alive only by Elrond's almost constant infusions of healing energy. He had been so angry at him for keeping him alive against his wishes. But now, Glorfindel was not so sure.


	5. Chapter 5

Glorfindel slept for a long time, at least an entire day, most likely more and Elrond was beginning to be worried. At first he had feared that Glorfindel was actually fading, having finally given in to his grief. But Elrond reminded himself that Glorfindel's colour was normal and he still seemed to be healing well. Elrond continued to flood Glorfindel with healing energy periodically and waited.

Glorfindel blinked his eyes, trying to refocus on the ceiling above him. He sat up, looking around. Elrond was no where to be seen. He was looking out the window, feeling oddly, when Elrond came in from the other room. His heart and mind had were for once seemingly at peace. Elrond noticed Glorfindel's gaze and thought for a moment before deciding that perhaps a time outside would do Glorfindel good. He walked over to Glorfindel and placed a hand on his shoulder. Glorfindel started at the touch, not having noticed that Elrond had entered the room.

"My apologies Glorfindel. I did not know you were unaware of my presence." Glorfindel acknowledged him before looking back out the window. Elrond followed his gaze. "It is a beautiful day today. I think a little sit outside will do you good. Would you like that?" Elrond received no response, but called another healer in to help him lift Glorfindel of his bed anyway. They carried him out to the balcony and set him in a chair. Elrond covered Glorfindel's lap with a blanket. "If there is anything you need or if you want to come back inside, I will be somewhere in the healing rooms. Just call my name."

The day passed quietly. Every once and again, Elrond was moved to the window to check on his ward. Glorfindel just sat in the sun. Sometimes his eyes were closed and there was an unreadable expression on his face. Sometimes his eyes were open and he just started out in nothingness. At midday, Elrond took some food out. He did not say a word, simply placed the tray next the silent Elf and left. Later on when he checked, the food had disappeared. Elrond smiled. That was an improvement. When it began to get dark, Elrond cleared up his papers. Erestor had brought him a few things that had needed the approval of the Lord of Imladris. He set them in a neat pile to pick up and joined Glorfindel on the terrace.

"It is going to be a beautiful evening. The wind blows so gently." There was no response from the blond elf but Elrond had not really expected one. "It's time to get you back inside. Even though you didn't move much, such a long day out of bed will have left you exhausted." At this, Glorfindel spoke.

"It was a lovely day." There was no inflection in his tone, but Elrond smiled anyway. He was pleased that he had been given a response.

"Yes, it was that." With that, he lifted Glorfindel out of chair. The other Elf's eyes widened.

"You should not lift me yourself. I am too heavy for you." Elrond did not respond but merely continued to carry the blond elf into the healing rooms. After placing him into his bed, he smoothed the strands of hair from Glorfindel's face.

"You are not so heavy as you remember. And I am not as weak as I appear. Rest well, my Seneschal." Elrond waited until Glorfindel's eyes had closed in sleep before he left.

The next many days passed in must the same manner, Elrond would wait for Glorfindel to awake. If the day was nice, the Seneschal would spend it outside on the terrance, if it was raining, he spent it inside, silently watching Elrond go about his lordly duties, for Elrond had set up a temporary office in the healing rooms. Neither Elf spoke very much but there seemed, at least to Elrond, be a peaceful and compatriotly atmosphere. Sometimes, Erestor would stop by to see Glorfindel and might do some of his paperwork in the healing rooms. Soon, though Elrond was beginning to wonder if Glorfindel would ever move passed this stage of recovery. Was he just cooperating so that when left alone, he could attempt to kill himself again? Elrond shuddered at the thought, a spark of pain in his heart. If Glorfindel was planning a second attempt, he needed to talk about how he was feeling or he would never heal. It was time for something new.

Elrond carried Glorfindel outside as usual. It was a particularly lovely day, very sunny with a nice breeze. Glorfindel just stared of into space as usual. Elrond started back inside, then remembered something. "Oh, the twins are going to spend the afternoon with me. I am sure they would love come outside and visit you if you don't mind. It's been hard to keep them away for all this time." Glorfindel turned to him then, an unreadable expression in his eyes.

"I would love to see the twins." Elrond smiled at him before going back inside. He worked on various things, trying to help Erestor with a little of the paper work. He looked outside at Glorfindel every once and awhile. Glorfindel sat with his face tilted towards the sun, a slight breeze blowing his hair and a peaceful look on his face instead of the usual vacant stare. It was just after lunch when the twins came into the the healer's ward like a whirlwind, all giggles and smiles. After pausing to hug their ada, they ran outside to Glorfindel. Elrond followed just in time to see Elladan and Elrohir both climb into Glorfindel's lap. Elladan put his arms around Glorfindel's neck to give him a hug, but when he pulled away, there was a worried look on his little face.

"What is wrong, Elladan?" Elrond asked.

"Glor's face is all hot. And his face is pink. I think he has a fever, Ada." Elrond chuckled.

"Do not worry pen neth. Glorfindel has been out in the sun all morning. It is Anor's rays that have made him so warm."

"Oh." Elladan looked unconvinced for a moment before he turned to Glorfindel with a smile. "Can I braid your hair? It's all messy." Elrond was about to protest when Glorfindel granted Elladan permission with a nod. Elladan soon recruited Elrohir to help him. Elrond sat down and watched, seeing how Glorfindel leaned into the twins' touches, his eyes closed. Soon the twins were finished and sat back to admire their work. The breeze continued to blow and sent strands of Glorfindel's hair whirling around his face. Elladan tried to smooth them back several times, but to no avail. Finally, he sighed very loudly and announced, "Your hair is hopeless!" Elrond tried not to laugh. Glorfindel opened his eyes and looked down at the two Elflings in his lap.

"It is just the wind, pen neths. I am sure the rest looks wonderful. Thank you." Elrohir yawned and Elrond was pleasantly surprised when Glorfindel smiled. "It seems like someone is ready for their nap." Glorfindel looked at Elrond. "Perhaps your ada will lay you down?" Elrond took the hint, picked up the two Elflings and carried them inside. It was not long before he was back out.

"The twins are sound asleep. Would you like to come inside?"

The golden haired Elf nodded, Elrond carried him back in and sat him in a chair, instead of back on his bed. He then noticed the mess that was Glorfindel's hair after the twins' had 'braided' it.

"Oh Glorfindel. Would you like me to fix your hair? I am afraid the twins made quite a mess of it." Glorfindel's hand went to the back his head and he grimaced.

"Yes, please. If you can get it untangled with out cutting it off." Once again Elrond was surprised by Glorfindel's behavior. He had just spoken more words in the past few minutes than he had in a very long time. He didn't make mention of it though. He found a comb, a brush and some water and began to work on Glorfindel's hair. There was a pleasant silence for a long time, just the sound of the trees rustling in the breeze and the birds singing to each other. Elrond could hear Glorfindel's breathing, low and deep and felt his shoulders tense up. Before he had a chance to ask what was wrong, Glorfindel spoke.

"Elrond. When I woke up this morning, I felt different. I felt...nothing. No grief, no pain, no happiness. Nothing. At first I took it as a sign that my time had finally come, that after all these days I would finally die. But then I realized something. I was at peace. I was feeling something and that was peace." There was a long pause. "I've been thinking about a lot of things, some better than others. I will not deny that for awhile my thoughts were occupied with how to thwart your attempts to keep me alive. But today I thought about what you said, what Erestor said. About the twins." Glorfindel shifted a bit and Elrond was unsure of what to do. Should he move to where Glorfindel could see him? He didn't want him to stop talking, now that he was finally letting someone in. Then Glorfindel started talking again and Elrond continued to brush his hair, though it was now free of knots and tangles. "The twins are so full of life. So - rambunctious." Elrond could hear the smile in Glorfindel's voice. "And I thought about your letter." Elrond stiffened. So Glorfindel had received it and yet tried to kill himself anyway?

"I didn't receive it until a short while ago. At first I thought it was a ploy to trick me into wanting to live. But Erestor had written a note as well and explained some things to me. It was your letter Elrond, your words, that finally made me think twice about my decision. This morning Elrond, just before the twins arrived, I decided I would give life one more chance." Glorfindel sighed. "The pain is still there but knowing that there is someone who cares for me....." At this Glorfindel started to turn so Elrond moved where Glorfindel could see his face. "Elrond, I don't know how to say this. But I'll try my best." He looked into Elrond's eyes and Elrond tried to put encouragement into his own gaze. Then Glorfindel looked down again. "I know you love me and that makes me feel.... But it's been so long since I loved anyone, since I felt anything but grief, pain and loneliness that I don't know how, don't remember how to..to love. I want to learn to live again, Elrond. I want to learn to love again." Another long pause and Elrond struggled with whether to break the silence when Glorfindel began again. "I could tell you I loved you right now and we could become lovers, but I don't know if that is the truth. You would find out sooner or later. Or maybe I would fall for someone else. I don't want to hurt your feelings like that. This can't be easy to hear, but I want to save you that pain. I know this is not fair to ask and I will understand if I do fall for you later and the feelings are not returned, but-" Elrond leaned forward and placed a hand over Glorfindel's mouth. Glorfindel looked up to see tears in Elrond's eyes. But they were not tears of sadness, but of joy.

"Glorfindel, I will wait as long as it takes. I understand what you are saying, please don't feel bad. I love you enough to wait eternity if I must. I am just happy you want to live." Glorfindel felt his own eyes welling up and when Elrond pulled him into a tight embrace, he did not object.


	6. Chapter 6

It was sometime later, after Elrond put the exhausted Glorfindel to bed, that he had the time to pen a quick note to Erestor, telling him about Glorfindel's confession. The twins and he had eaten dinner together and they had gone back with their nurse. He heard Glorfindel stirring and went to check on him. Elrond was pleased that he still seemed better even though he had been so tired.

"Elrond, may I ask a favor?" Elrond nodded, helping Glorfindel to sit up.

"May I please have I bath? I feel so very dirty." Elrond chuckled.

"It has been awhile, hasn't it? Yes, you may, if you feel up to it. Let me get you some leggings and another healer to help me get you to the bathing chambers." After Glorfindel had the leggings on, the other healer and Elrond carried him down to the bathing chambers. Elrond ran water into a large tub and added soothing herbs and healing salts to the tub. The steam started to rise and Elrond helped Glorfindel to remove his clothes. The healer helped get him into the tub, then left, leaving Elrond and Glorfindel alone. Glorfindel just soaked for a long time, reveling in the heat. After a while, he washed himself as best he could, Elrond helping him wash his back. He had just started to shampoo his hair, but he couldn't keep his arms up. He was so very tired. He has just about resigned himself to having dirty hair when Elrond took the shampoo from him.

"Let me. You are too tired. I shouldn't have let you out of bed after your long day today. Just relax." Elrond gently massaged the lather into Glorfindel's scalp and rinsed it, careful not to get any soap in Glorfindel's face. He let Glorfindel lay in tub until the water began to get tepid.

"Time to get out, Glorfindel. I don't want you catching a chill. Your body's defenses aren't at their best right now." Elrond helped Glorfindel out of the tub and wrapped him in a big, fluffy towel. He sent for the healer again to help take Glorfindel back. Once they got back to the healing rooms, Elrond found a pair of comfy leggings and a warm sleep shirt for Glorfindel to wear. He quickly changed all the bedding on Glorfindel's cot, adding a thick blanket. He had noticed Glorfindel had very much enjoyed extra warmth in the bathing chamber. Once they had gotten Glorfindel in the bed, it was only a matter of moments before he was sound asleep. His eyes were closed from sheer exhaustion, but Elrond knew that soon Glorfindel would be sleeping with them open. Elrond tucked a stray strand of hair behind Glorfindel's ear and let a little healing power go into him before blowing out the candle and settling himself down for the night.

_Elrond was sitting in his chair, reading some book on war maneuvers, when the doors to his rooms opened and an exhausted looking Gil-galad came in. He barely managed to get the door shut before he fell against it. Elrond quickly shut his book and went to him. Elrond gave him a light kiss._

"_I can see the emissaries were particularly petty today." Gil-galad sighed._

"_Is that ever the understatement!" Elrond lead him over to a chair and helped him sit down. He then poured him a small glass of wine._

"_Here, drink this. Then, before you even think about bed, you are taking a warm bath. You are making me tense up just looking at you." Gil-galad opened one eye._

"_Do I have to?" Elrond's glare was answer enough. He sighed again, and downing his wine in one swig, headed for the tub. Elrond followed him and turned on the hot water while Gil-galad undressed, moaning with each movement. Once he was fully undressed, he climbed into the tub and Elrond began to wash him. "Elrond, please, I am not an Elfling, I can wash myself." Elrond didn't pause, just gave his King a sarcastic look._

"_I am sorry, but you can barely move. Besides, I want to wash you. I want to take care of you. So hush and just relax." Once his lover was clean, Elrond put some oil on his hands and attacked Gil-galad's shoulders. They were as hard as rocks. Gil-galad winced in pain as Elrond's fingers poked and prodded his knotted muscles. The fingers felt more like spears, jabbing into his shoulders. There was no mercy. But soon his exhausted muscles gave up the fight and let go. Gil-galad sighed contently and began to relax. Elrond sensed this and fingers became gentle and soothing, sweeping over Gil-galad's neck and shoulders. Gil-galad could feel himself falling asleep, tried to stay awake, tried to... Elrond smiled to himself when he heard his lover's breathing become steady. He continued massaging for a few more moments then stopped and peeked around. Sure, enough, Gil-galad's eyes were the vacant eyes of one in reverie. Elrond gently lifted his king out of the tub and dried him off. He wasn't too worried about waking him up, but he was careful anyway. He carried him to the bed and tucked him under the covers, kissing him on the brow._

"_Sweet dreams, meleth nin." Elrond went to the door of their chambers and motioned to a servant. "See that no one disturbs the King. He has had a, uh, busy day and needs his rest." The servant nodded and hurried away to tell the others. Elrond closed the door and sighed, taking his own clothes off. He was glad he had caught himself before he had told the servant the king had had a trying day. The word would have spread and the emissaries from Greenwood would have found out and become offended that the King would find them trying and so on. Elrond climbed into bed and gently put his arms around his lover, pulling him close. "I love you." he whispered into his King's ear._

When Elrond awoke, he almost expected to be lying next to Gil-galad in Lindon. Almost. He blinked his eyes and sighed. He missed him still, but the pain was gone, just the dull ache the Valar had left him. Besides, he loved Glorfindel now. And as Elrond got dressed, he felt at peace, somehow knowing that Gil-galad was happy that he had finally found someone. He went into the next room to check on Glorfindel. He was immensely surprised to find him already awake and attempting to get out of bed.

"Glorfindel! What are you doing! You are in no condition to get out of bed on your own!" Glorfindel started and looked at Elrond sheepishly.

"I had to go to the bathroom, but I didn't want to wake you. I was not going to go all the way down there myself. I was just going to ask one of the servants or someone to help me."

"Well, you still should not have been up." Glorfindel looked around the room, looking for something to distract Elrond with.

"I asked one of the servants to bring some hot cakes and strawberries up. I already ate what I could, the rest are yours." Elrond looked from Glorfindel to the hot cakes and back.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Awhile. I woke up and I just couldn't back to sleep again. I feel restless. I have been abed too long."

"Well, let me take you to the bathroom then we can get started on your recovery. If you are ready."


End file.
